May 20, 2000 Talent Does Not Equal Obligation By Laurel Park :: Views- 1247

At least once a year I get the same question: "my
daughter/niece/neighbor's kid has all the talent to be a state-champion
runner, but she doesn't seem interested in it. She runs to get in shape
for soccer/basketball/volleyball, and last week she ran a 6:10 mile in gym
class - with no training! How do I convince her that she should join the
track team?"

Two words: you don't.

It's wonderful that this kid is so talented, and even better that she has
an interest in sports. But if she doesn't want to run competitively, leave
her alone. It's her choice.

It's difficult for those of us who have to work hard at our running to see
someone with so much natural talent seemingly "throw it all away" without
any idea of what they are giving up. "Man, if I had her talent" you say,
shaking your head. It's almost a personal insult: how dare you trivialize
something that is so important to me! Don't you have any respect for your
gift?

I understand because I've had those thoughts, too. And it's hard to bite
your tongue and resist the urge to spread the Gospel of Running. But as
with any other talent, there is no point in trying to force someone to do
something just because you wish you could do it. All that does is create
anger, resentment and obstinance. The fact that you find it important is
irrelevant.

I can see both sides of the issue because I've had that experience myself.
Back in high school, I (like millions of other kids) played in the band.
We had a pretty good band and thus had the chance to travel around the
U.S. to various national competitions. It was great fun. I was by no means
the most talented kid in the group, but with a bit of effort I probably
could have completed a college music program.

When I graduated, I packed away my saxophone and decided to focus on my
running. My friends, relatives, and especially my father (a frustrated
musician himself) were surprised and aghast. They had always assumed I
would take my music to the next level and could not understand how I could
abandon something for which I (apparently) had "so much talent and
potential." The answer was simple: I didn't want to do it anymore. I had
enjoyed my high school experience, and was appreciative of everything that
music had given me, but I simply didn't feel compelled to take it any
further. I wasn't "rejecting" music; I merely had to make a choice and I
chose running. I had a passion for running that I didn't have for music. I
enjoyed playing my saxophone, but I loved to run.

It's natural for those of us who wish we were blessed with a specific
talent to "covet," as it were, those who are. And I imagine that as a
parent it must be extremely difficult to stand back and not live
vicariously through your talented offspring, even when you see visions of
state championships, college scholarships, and perhaps even financial
security resulting from that talent. But state championships, college
scholarships and financial security don't mean a thing unless the child is
happy with what she is doing.

I still have my saxophone, tucked away in a closet. It will be there when
I want it. And I'm pretty sure that someday I'll return, albeit casually,
to the world of music.

As for the talented high school athlete, applaud her accomplishments and
let her find her own road. Who knows - that road might eventually lead to
running after all. And if that happens... at least she won't be in your
age group!