May 19, 2000 Bun Hugger Blues By Laurel Park :: Views- 6897

I've been involved with running for over 20 years and during those years I
have welcomed the invention of materials, technology and science which has
made running dryer, safer and healthier. There is, however, one exception:
I would like to have a talk with the genius who invented bun huggers.

Bun huggers (also known by their far less descriptive name of "racing
briefs") were just gaining a foothold in popularity when I was in college.
Right before my senior year of cross-country, our coach mentioned that
she'd like to see us in new uniforms which included bun huggers. All but
one of us voiced our strenuous objection and a couple of my teammates
threatened to boycott the season rather than be seen in public wearing
them. The lone dissenter was made to feel the full wrath of our peer
pressure and as an added punishment we talked the coach into making her
run the 1000 meters during the season's first indoor track meet.

Despite my personal disdain, and against every iota of common sense in me,
bun huggers rapidly gained popularity and these days it is difficult to
find a college program whose uniform doesn't include them. Runners who
wear them say that they are light and sleek and make them feel faster.
Apparently there is some kind of "psychological effect" at work on these
women. Bun huggers have a psychological effect on me, too, but it's the
kind that requires years of therapy to overcome.

I have to admit, there are some women who look awesome in bun huggers.
Suzy Hamilton to comes to mind. I have yet to see a photo of Suzy wearing
even the ugliest uniform known to man without her looking absolutely
gorgeous. Jill McMullen can safely wear bun huggers. So can pole vaulter
Stacy Draglia. But for most of us, bun huggers leave not quite enough to
the imagination and are stark proof that no amount of exercise can
completely offset the genetic gifts bestowed by Grandma Smith.

There are certain "bun hugger" rules that every intelligent woman should
obey, the foremost being: pastel colors are a no-no. I have never seen
pastel bun huggers look good on anyone (even Suzy Hamilton comes
perilously close to crossing the line). As every woman knows, certain
colors are "slimming" and certain colors are... not. Pastel bun huggers
fall into the latter category. Don't let any well-meaning spouse, coach or
clothing rep tell you otherwise: pastel bun huggers are good for 10
phantom pounds at least.

Lest you think I speak from ignorance, let me state for the record that I
have worn bun huggers - once. Several years ago I found a pair on
clearance sale at a local running store. I bought them and wore them at an
indoor track meet at EMU. I figured there must be something wonderful
about them that I had been missing. Plus I didn't want to be an old fogey,
traipsing around in traditional shorts while the young guns were striding
confidently in their huggers (I remember how "square" my high school gym
teacher had looked in her polyester double-knit shorts while the rest of
us were wearing cool, shimmery nylon). Aside from the fact that I was
extremely self-conscious and more than a bit chilly, I found them
downright uncomfortable. The only way they aided me in running faster was
because I wanted to get the darn race over with so I could change clothes.
I haven't been tempted to wear them since.

It's entirely possible that my disdain for bun huggers arises in part from
jealousy. I suppose if I had long, lean, beautifully sculpted legs and
thighs without a single stretch mark, I'd wear them at every possible
opportunity as well. I certainly can't blame those women but I would
appreciate a bit more consideration; for example; please don't line up
next to me at the start. The comparison is just too frustrating.

I find the differing ways in which people view bun huggers to be
fascinating. I think some styles are a tad too revealing and I certainly
consider all styles inappropriate for high school girls. I suspect most
coaches view them as a subtle but important aspect of a "serious racing
uniform" and wouldn't dream of having their teams wear shorts. And in one
rather baffling instance, I know a college coach (not in Michigan) who
will not allow his runners to wear uncovered jogbras (i.e. the colored
ones intended for use alone in hot weather), yet the team uniform includes
huggers. I have yet to figure that one out.

I realize that bun huggers are here to stay and that I'm better off
devoting my energy to matters which: a) hold out hope for change; and b)
have some kind of legitimate social significance. And as long comfortable
racing shorts are available I (and the people around me) have nothing to
worry about. But for those of us who are "bun hugger challenged," the
allure of that particular item of clothing remains a mystery.