Feb 20, 2000 So Little Distance, So Much Pain By Laurel Park :: Views- 1361

I know everyone keeps saying that the marathon is the Stupidest Distance Known to Man, but I have to disagree. In my world, few races are as painful as a street mile.

It could be because I possess so few fast-twitch muscles, and those that do reside deep in the fibers of my thighs have to be coaxed, kicking and screaming, through a series of difficult and uncomfortable track "interval sessions", into activity. It could be that when I try to sprint, I feel as though my feet have suddenly grown five sizes and my legs are flailing about who knows where and I'm never quite sure exactly where my next step is going to land. I'll watch Kevin Sullivan and marvel at his beautiful, efficient stride, his elegant, precise footfall, his fluid and rhythmic upper body action. It's like poetry in motion. I, on the other hand, am free verse at its worst.

"But how," people ask, "can you hate miles? They are over so quickly!" Well, so are tetanus inoculations and they're no picnic, either. What miles lack in distance they more than make up for in pain. I'm sure it can be proven mathematically: the amount of pain generated by a race is inversely proportional to its distance. I can't image what the 100 meter dash must feel like.

"Street miles are fun!" says my spouse, who also thinks 24 mile training runs and programming in Linux are "fun". "You go out hard for the first quarter, hang on through the half, coast to 1200 meters, and kick for the finish." So, in other words, you start out going as fast as you can, go just as fast and hurt just as bad through the half, try to maintain that threshold of pain through 1200, then go even faster and hurt even worse to the finish. Wow - my kind of race!

Perhaps I've spent too many years doing long training runs, but it just doesn't seem right to be able to stand on the starting line and see the finish line. There should be a turn or two or five, maybe even an out-and-back, but certainly not a straight shot from point A to point B. Where's the challenge in that?

Also, when I run a race I like to think that it will account for the majority of my day's mileage. 10Ks, even 8Ks manage nicely (adding the warm-up and cool-down, of course). But a mile - I wouldn't even consider that a suitable warm-up distance for a 5K! I finish the race and I feel like I need to go another 5 miles to have done any real work for the day. For this I got up early?

For you mile devotees out there, please don't take offense. One man's trash is another man's treasure. You probably don't get excited at the thought of running a nice long half-marathon. To each his own. When I was younger, I assumed that someday I'd understand the allure of the mile, and might even look forward to doing them. Either I'm staying eternally young, or this is one mystery that will elude me forever.